Thursday, March 4, 2010

confessions: take 1

in my past life i was a nutritionist: a shopping, chopping, soaking, fermenting, well-fed nutritionist. it started as a hobby, became a matter of study, and for the last 4 years i have worked as a consultant and teacher. i found contentment as a foodie and confidence in practicing what i preached. but that was my past life. 9 months ago, i became a mama.

while pregnant, i imagined that motherhood would further immerse me in the glorious world of REAL food. i would bake bread, and make yogurt while my child played at my feet. my counters would be lined with soaking grains and living sprouts. instead i find myself standing in my kitchen eating a rice cake (eww, a rice cake!) while talking on the phone with my son on my hip distractedly trying to fix his jollyjumper. the counters are an assortment of pots i've burnt, a sippy cup, old carrots that were once good as a teething toy, and a pile of pear peelings.

in a moment of pause, i receive the mental picture of myself in front of my students espousing the mandatory rules of eating for health: sit, chew, relax.

i reach for an explanation. its motherhood. i'm busy, i'm sleep-deprived, i'm breastfeeding, i'm in transition. basically i'm everything that requires even better nutrition but i'm cashing in on the right that all new mothers have to come apart at the seams if and when they need to.

now the powers of justification are such that they enable a grace period before coming to the truth of the situation. what fun its been to allow myself to change my tune! chewing? bah! chewing is for weaklings. whole grains? processed and packaged is much more efficient! but what about nutrient dense foods? slather everything in ghee and don't worry about the rest.

its come to my attention that the grace of my kitchen situation has expired and i'm just stuck with the truth. so here it is: my local, whole food diet, eaten with awareness has gone south.

in my past life i was a nutritionist. at present i am a mother. i fear that unless i tell the truth about how challenging it is for me to reconcile these seemingly opposing forces, my future life may be that of an egg white.

(more on egg white in a future post...)


  1. Hi Meghan, my mom Linda passed this along! I love it! I was laughing out loud at "the counters are an assortment of pots i've burnt, a sippy cup, old carrots that were once good as a teething toy, and a pile of pear peelings"
    Oh how our lives have changed.... I am also contantly crunching baby O's and puffs under my feet no matter where I walk.... how do baby O's/Puff travel so far with no feet of its own!

    Keep writing! I will be reading! :-)
    Sarah & Benny

  2. Hey Meghan!

    I'm so grateful that you've decided to grace us with your gift of writing and passion for food! I will definitely follow along.

    Hasta luego!

  3. Hi Meghan! I can relate! I don't know if you remember, but before I got pregnant I was a 4th year nutrition student. I was trying to eat more local and natural foods, try out a variety of whole grains, cook from scratch, and eat plenty of fruits and veggies every day... now I eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches!

    Katrina (from pre-natal classes)

  4. Hi Meghan! I can't wait to read more. Congratulations on becoming a mother.


  5. Hi Meghan, this is great :) I struggled with these dilemmas too, and only now that my kiddos are 2 & 4 am I actually getting back to the way I LIKE to eat, cook, create... no fermenting going on in my kitchen, though, unless you count a few rotting apples in the crisper!

  6. Hi Meghan,
    I have just come across your blog from the CSNN newsletter. I am currently a student, and much like you, was living the local whole foods dream. Now, I am 4 months pregnant, and things are getting back to normal, but boy did I have a wake up call in the first 3 months. It took me by total could I find it difficult to eat well all of a sudden? And especially at a time when I need it the most? But as you say, its a humbling experience, and I feel I have really learned by going through this. Now, I believe I will relate to clients better, and give myself a bit more wiggle room as I move further towards the reality of life as a Mom!
    Looking forward to following your blog, and to meeting you soon.


  7. I feel your 'pain' Meghan! Rest assured though that you will find your balance eventually and it is more than OK to be in a state of chaos for a period of time (that's where learning begins). I certainly was and even still am on bad days. Motherhood throws you for a HUGE loop but soon enough you'll be making apple sauce or juicing those chewy carrots with your little one and having an absolute blast! You'll realize that the chaos was temporary (and may come back again...and again...from stage to stage in your child's life) and being perfect is all just an illusion and you can only do your best and, most improtantly, find contentment and gratitude in what you can manage and what you have.
    Keep well!
    Lisa Marie (fellow Holistic Nutritionist an Momma)